ഓഫീസിനിനെ ഞെട്ടിച്ച വെളിപ്പെടുത്തൽ

വളരെകാലങ്ങൾക്കു ശേഷമാണ് ഞങ്ങളുടെ പ്രതിനിധി ഒരു വാർത്ത‍ കൈമാറുന്നത് , അതുകൊണ്ടുതന്നെ അത്  എത്രയും വേഗം  മന്യവായനക്കാരിലേക്ക് എത്തിക്കാം   എന്നു കരുതിയാണ്   ഈ  പോസ്റ്റ്‌

നമ്മളുടെ പ്രതിനിധിയുടെ കാര്യാലയത്തിലെ  സഹപ്രവർത്തകയാണ്  ഇതിലെ  താരം  അഥവാ നായിക . പ്രസ്തുത  വ്യെക്തി  കാര്യാലയത്തിലെ  എല്ലാവരെയും  തന്റ്റെ  അഭൂതപൂർവമായ പൊട്ടത്തരങ്ങൾ കൊണ്ടും , കയിലിരുപ്പുകൊണ്ടും  രസിപ്പിക്കുകയും , നിരന്തരമായ ജോലിയുടെ  മുഷിവുകളെ  മാറ്റാൻ സഹായിക്കാറുണ്ട്  എന്നുള്ള വസ്തുത  ഈ അവസരത്തിൽ വിസ്മരിക്കുന്നില്ല . എന്നിരിക്കിലും ഈ സംഭവം വായനക്കാരുമായി പങ്കുവെചില്ലെങ്കിൽ  അത് അക്ഷന്തവ്യമായ  തെറ്റായിപോകുമോ  എന്ന് ലേഖകൻ ഭയപ്പെടുന്നു  അതിനാൽ  സംഭവം വിവരിക്കട്ടെ .

നമ്മുടെ കഥാ നായികയുടെ വെളിപ്പെടുത്തൽ ( വൈകുന്നേരം ) ഓഫീസിനെ  അക്ഷരാർഥത്തിൽ  ഞെട്ടിച്ചു . നായികയുടെ അടുത്തിരിക്കുന്ന  ബഹുമാന്യ  വ്യച്ക്തിയെക്കുരിച്ചാണ് ഈ വെളിപ്പെടുത്തൽ  നടത്തിയത് .

സാധാരണ ആളുകൾ പറഞ്ഞു   നമ്മൾ  കേട്ടിട്ടുണ്ട് , എനിക്ക്  ജനിക്കാതെപോയ  സഹോദരൻ  , സഹോദരി , മകൻ  അല്ലെങ്ങിൽ  മകൾ . പക്ഷെ   എല്ലാം  കടത്തിവെട്ടുന്ന  ഒരു പ്രസ്താവന ആയിരുന്നു  നമ്മളുടെ  നായിക  നടത്തിയത് . കുറച്ചു പ്രായമുണ്ടെങ്കിലും അത്രക്ക് പ്രായമില്ലാത്ത  സാത്വികനായ സഹപ്രവർതകനെക്കുറിചു പറഞ്ഞത്  അദ്ദേഹം  നായികയുടെ  ജനിക്കാതെ  പോയ  അച്ഛനാണ്  എന്നാണ് . ഇത്  കേട്ട്  ഞെട്ടിയ  സഹപ്രവർത്തകരിൽ പലരുടെയും  ഞെട്ടൽ  ഇതുവരെ  മാറിയിട്ടില്ല  എന്നാണ്  കഴിഞ്ഞത്

Who can have a better reason for a leave ?

Today one of our team members is on leave; he mentioned the reason as personal. Our special correspondent decided to have little bit of enquiry about this “Personal” reason and he went after that, finally he found the reason, knowing that he stunned and realized the reason was toooooo personal, you are so curious to know what it is….. the reason is he doesn’t have any washed under wares to go to office everything is consumed already, isn’t it personal… I think so.. any way… a small advice for all the team members… please keep one or two under wares as an emergency or please wash it on time, so that you can avoid the “future shortage”….

Eeswaraa Enthokke karyathinu leavekoduckanam???????????

Invention of .ini file in Cisco IOS

This great invention is also from the great person who was able to hung the IBM AIX server. He explained about this great achievement to the network guys. Once upon a time when he was in “muscut” … His Company which had presence on 104 countries had lot of Cisco routers to manage their server farm. One day their network had a problem that they can’t give print as the router didn’t recognize printer. As they were one of the major customers of Cisco, technical engineers from Cisco came to the site and trying to solve the issue, they tried for two three days but they couldn’t fix the problem, then our great guy offered help, I will also sit with you to solve the issue, when he spend few hours he found out the problem, “add printer” command is not issued that was the problem, our tech guy gave the most valuable advice/information to the Cisco engineers and they issued the command and solved the issue. But the issue started next day after they switch on the router next day morning after their daily shutdown, next day also Cisco engineers came they couldn’t find the root cause, then also our big tech guy gave the solution to the Cisco team, the add printer command should be given in the .ini file of the router , then it will automatically pick the printer from the .ini file and the issue will be resolved. Cisco engineers did the same and the issue resolved. What a great idea ????.

Are you feel mad hearing this bullshit from the technical person ?.. its natural… we are expecting these kind of bullshit only from him….

Please let us know if any of you are lucky to see a .ini file in Cisco IOS !!!!!!

The naming ceremony

This is about the incident happened last week, the naming ceremony of the new chicken dish. There was a party at the IT house, as usual we decided to prepare food, to save cost, so I bought chicken and went to IT house, and first I thought I will make a chicken curry. When I reached there our system admin is ready and fully charged to make a curry of his own, thinking not to hurt his feeling and ego, we are accepted and decided let him make the curry. Unfortunately he noticed the cook book he got with their brand new pressure cooker, he scan through the pages and found some recipe with chicken. He stared collecting ingredients and slowly started cooking. He couldn’t find some of the ingredients described in the recipe and he replaced those with his own and finally he brought in the “Special chicken curry” as our “thouchings” for the booze, everybody tasted it, at first nobody told anything regarding the curry, then he asked howz the curry few guys said sadly, “It’s OK da”. But he is not satisfied with the answer, he said “ tell me guys I have spend lot of my time and energy to make this, howz it “ , then came the answer from somebody this the most f—king chicken I have ever had. His face got dimmed, but nobody cared about that because the chicken was really “terrific “. At last there came a moment to name the new curry ever made, the decision about the name was unanimous “Chicken Thonniyavas”. If anybody interested to get the recipe of this special chicken dish, please feel free to contact our System Admin.

Last update on this, all the guys had the special chicken curry spend a considerable time in toilets…..
Dare to try the recipe…………..

Vivaramillaima oru kuttamano?

Today we were having ISO audit in our office. Everybody was prepared for that, everything documented and ready to get audited. The auditors came, had an introduction meeting. Then Management representative is running everywhere to ensure everything is in place and the show running. After few hours the lead auditor went to the restroom then our COO saw lead auditor is going somewhere, then he came running and asked, What you want sir ?, then the auditor said “Just two minute I want to go to restroom”, then the guys standing nearby and the auditor himself stunned hearing the words from the COO, “OK then I will also join you”…..

Paavam entha cheyyuka allee ?????. Vivaramillaima aarudeyum kuttamallaooo……..

Technically Speaking....

Let me tell you about the mail from our COO, none of the recipients were able to make out what did he mean by that. Before that I will tell you the background. One of the sister concern’s web site is having some problem, there few issues with the image loading , unfortunately there is no technical persons at the sister concerns office, they called up our technical team and said they are having some problem with their web server so their site is not working properly, please look into it, naturally our technical persons asked what is the issue, they got the reply “ our site was on PHP and now we changed it to Dynamic” that caused the issue, support guys didn’t ask anything more knowing the level of knowledge of the person they are speaking. Finally the support guys found out it was the problem with the application they are hosted, the code is not working fine, its not the issue with web server and they informed the sister concern “ The problem is due to the application error and not because of any web server issue” naturally the mail was copied to the COO, so it will be a shame if he commented on that, he never spoils any opportunity to show his “Technical Knowledge”, being a technical person he know each and everything and have solutions also. He send a mail to all the recipients with the following sentences “It is not application error. It is lack of preference based ordering feature in their website admin part.” . Support guys are searching for people who can explain the matter as somebody can really understand, even though the sender’s intention was show his technical knowledge and it should not understand by anybody.

Please if anybody able to interpret the information he was trying to convey… please send a mail… or put it in comment.. our support guys really needs it.

The Age of Stupid

This is a post after a long time . So there are US incidents this time , recently four guys went to onshore for a project . There are lot of incidents to fill a page here presenting with few of them (selected)
1. Our guy went to the client side for the work started the work, he was provided with a new build of the application, his boss at the client side didn’t get any update even after few hours. So his boss send him an email .





Hi,
Where are you with the Build, update me with the status ASAP

Thanks
XXXXXXXXX

He read the mail, he was working with build and he replied to his boss

Hi,

I am here in ("Client Name") with the Build .

Thanks
XXXXXXXX
2. Week end he goes out, an d he felt he need a camera, to shoot his travels, he asked opinion from friends and finally he bought a camera Nikon Coolpix. The very next weekend he gone out for a trip and started taking picture on his new camera. When he was taking pictures, he said to his friends, when I am taking picture the camera itself says its coolpix what else to say. He continues shooting enthusiastically. Finally he tried to download the picture to laptop; he couldn’t found any photos on that. Then only his friends came to know about the reality, while taking pictures he was pressing the power button, and the message coolpix was coming in every reboot of the camera…….
3. This incident is also related to his camera, our guy with his friends went to Florida, a very long drive, they visited an oceanarium there. His friends wanted to take a picture with dolphin in their back side, they asked him look back and to click when dolphin jumps. He turned his head to his back and clicked for the snap. What an Idea….. enthuparanjalum pettennu mansilavum…
4. This is also happened in the same trip, they stopped at a rest area as they were driving for a long time ,he was hungry , then come the statement “ I am hungry we could have eat something if there is any restroom”…….

What an Idea Sir ji

“You know operation is everything again without operation where it can go ?” this is the usual sentence in all the meeting by COO (Chief Operating Officer). You guys should understand the operation needs very high degree of thinking , logic and expertise in almost everything ??????. “Being a technical person I can do everything, coding , testing, networking, system administration, database management” is another saying from COO.
The big thing about COO is he can find ten bugs in ten minutes, at any testing phase Unit, integration or system, he have that much capability you Know???????. Total he have 10 Years experience but he chaired more positions than his total years of experience ( Double promotion may be because of his expertise)
Actually what I was trying to say ( what you read before was just an introduction about COO), the recent idea from COO. We got some IP phones from US and all of them work with 110 V electricity. But accidentally somebody plugged the power adapter to 220V and it got damaged. The issue is escalated to COO by network division. “Somebody accidentally plugged the power adapter of the IP Phone to the direct power without using the converter. Its got damaged and we have to replace the power adapter”
Then came the amazing reply from COO “We may have to glue the adapter with the plug” What an idea sir ji , I challenge all of you can you guys will have such idea in your wildest dreams???????????

Any way now network division is doing R & D on which adhesive gives stronger bond.

Height of Celebration

Herez the magic of the Celebration or Height of Celebration. There was a party at IT House on an evening. Emptied three bottles of celebration everybody boozed and in full form except the group driver. He is our GOD, he is such a nice guy, he won’t drink for us and take us to our home. Oh we are deviating from the story. The Hero is coming to office by his bike, on the booze day also he came by bike but coming in our car, between the conversation he asked us to drop him at vazhakkala, knowing he is not staying there we asked
We: how do you go from there ?
He: by bike,
(He is sitting with us )
we : where is your bike
He: at home.
We: asked how did u come to office today
He: by bike,
We: then how will u come to office tomorrow
He: by bike
We : you said, you came to office by bike and you are with us in the car ,then where is your bike
He: bike is at home (He clarified now I am in the car right ?, so I can’t take the bike, but I will come to office by bike tomorrow).
We stopped asking anything because we thought we are drunk and we are not getting what ever he say.
(The fact made him say all this, reveled on the next day, he gave his bike to his friend and his friend took it to his home, our hero have a faint idea bike is at home but he didn’t remember how he made it happen)

The Nail Wound

First of all I would like to say I don’t want to disclose the identity of the person, who is the hero of this story. Today morning one guy came to the office with a nail wound on his nose, naturally everybody will ask what happened, he is being one of my friends I also asked what happened to the nose, how he got the nail wound, he said it from his nephew (2 year old), but the wound clearly shows it from an adult, kids nail can’t be so big at any way, when pointed out the fact its not from the kid, then he suddenly changed his words its from his own nails, but unfortunately he didn’t have any grown nails to make that wound . Knowing the fact he can’t defend himself, I saw a faint smile on his face. Just want to say one thing, You can “GO ANYWARE” and you can come to office from “ AYWARE”, but just have a look at the mirror before starting to office, if you have any wounds like this happened because of “SOMETHING”, at least be prepared to give an answer which is believable.

Vista Encryption

This incident happened two days back at IT house , the very next day after the party. One of the team leads had a laptop , it was kept at the floor after the party. Next day morning he found ants are coming out of his laptop he is worried and it was discussing the same with one of his roommates then the third and last man( The Network administrator) their roommate got up with a heavy hangover still “FIT”. He heard his roommates discussing about the computer ( in between their conversation they mentioned about windows vista ). The poor network guy thought it was about some virus problem with vista, suddenly his “Support” mind forced him to say this “You just enable the encryption on vista everything will be ok”. The other two guys were amazed and looking each other, but they realized fast their roommate is still “FIT”. So herez the new solution, if you find any ants in your computer just enable the encryption, so the ants can’t recognize. what it is (Laptop). I would like to thank and congratulate our Net Admin for the wonderful solution

Eliye Pedichu Illam Chudunnu

Have you ever heard the old saying “Eliye Padichu Illam Chuttu” ?. Our Network department sorry they call themselves Support ( Njan enne vilickunnathu vimalkumarenna ……..) , remind us this old saying with their new idea to protect the network. They are going to block all the USB ports on the laptops (we use laptops for testing purposes). The Support guys says the virus infection on the network is through these USBs. What a fantastic idea ? Blocking such a facility on the laptops which is used extensively by the users. We would like to share a better idea to the “Support” block the network in the office, so no viruses can harm the network; we think this will be a better idea. Please fell free to share your innovative ideas to protect the network. Firm is planning to have a brainstorming session on this.

Rising of a Tughluq in office

We thought the dynasty of Tughluq is over and it is in history, but now we are forced to say a big emphatic NO. Its still there, in front of our eyes, its re incarnated. When the company grown from 10 member team to 100 members, so the management installed a HR department and the empire transferred from Accounts Manager to the lady tycoon, but the latter became notorious for ill-advised policy experiments such as One Vada for One person, pasting stickers on the department door “Entry for Authorized persons Only”, documents which are available/access to anybody at the front office desk declaring as confidential, implementing no standardization for the existing employees but industry standards for the newly recruited (Old employees are nuts or what ???) , giving never fulfilled offers like cushions for all the employees who suffer from back pain in one week (God knows when that week will come), usage of one meter toilet paper per person etc…

We have a doubt is it a military base or an IT firm???. And who are these authorized persons????, Who will authorize if somebody want to meet the persons in the cabin ????. or we are all Ginnie Pigs to experiment all these ??

HR Cycle Loan Mela

This is from Cochin correspondent. Currently we have a severe parking problem in our company premises. Even though we are parking our vehicles on the roadside, corporate park people thinks they own the road too. So there will be few issues with them daily. Today one of our employees parked his car outside and the corporate park people asked to move the vehicle, they want to plant a tree there, he said no, if you can show me another place for parking I will move the vehicle. He send a mail to HR saying that “Please look in to the parking problem “. Here comes the best answer/ solution for the problem for HR “ Why don’t you guys use cycle, it needs very little place and you health will also improve” Ha ha ha, what a fantastic solution, right ???????. So finally heard a rumor HR is going to organize a MAHA CYCLE LOAN MELA, for their employees. SO Guys, Please contact HR if you need a cycle and a good health. There many early bird prices also, So C’mon guys, Hurry

HR Executive Stories

Hi I am going to tell you two incidents happened in my office yesterday, off course two are connected with HR executives. Here inafter referred as HRE

First incident happened in the morning, one lady HRE turn to be a “Peeping Tom” in to the Men’s rest room and at the same time of peeping, the Sys admin came out the rest room and he saw the HRE and asked her whatz up “, she said she was looking for him ?????????. I don’t know what she was doing and why she was doing it, I am a good guy so I am not going to think anything nasty.

Second incident, another lady HRE was collecting contributions from the employees to celebrate one of our team members birthday. She was asking Rs 10 to everybody and collecting the same, she asked Rs 10 to one of the male employees, he said sorry I don’t have money, I didn’t even take my purse, then came stunning demand from the lady HRE, oh ho then give it me what is lying in your front ??????????. Every body stood shocked, again i am being a good guy, I don’t thought anything nasty.

The Magic Of Hennasy

The incident happened on IT House on a Bachelors party of one of our friends. At the party we have a DJ and Club Lights. We had a wonderful party there with booze, food and dance. There was a special request to DJ for a song from “Daddy Yankee” the famous “Gasoleena” . DJ didn’t have that disc so he told the guy who requested the song, Lets call him Mr.X, DJ told to Mr. X if you can bring the disk I can play for you. The guy was boozed a lot and he is out of his sense, he went to search the CD from the car (we have two cars provided by the company). He came with a disk and said the song is the 4th one in the CD, DJ played the 4th song, it wasn’t the one, and then Mr. X said the song is in the next 4th position, DJ tried that too, DJ tried all the songs in the CD but he couldn’t find the song. Then DJ said the disk you took changed, then our Mr. X said, No No No way, I brought the correct Disk, sometimes the car might have changed !!!!!!!!!!!. Everybody (Who ever had some sense) shocked , amazed and admired Hennasy.

Offshore Guysssssss

I think few of our team members can never forget this call from our HR/ Finance manager (Who belongs to the family of Thadaka, Poothana, with qualities like changing her words according to the circumstances, unbearable “Chorinja” behavior, consider everybody as nuts and wears a pseudo out fit of a divine lady) at Onshore. She calls in the shop floor; Offshore Guys (we feel like we are all second graded creatures) and this calling becomes a regular one and we used to it. One day one of our team members fell ill and he was taking rest at the “IT house”, when he was browsing through the channels he stumbled on Playboy Sexteria channel , there was a message on the screen “Press B on your remote to purchase this channel”, he pressed “B”, he thought, buy pressing B they will ask to enter credit cards number and in between they will show some trailers and he can see it, but unfortunately the message showed in the screen “Thank you for purchasing Sexteria enjoy!!!!” He realized but not willing to belief he purchase the channel show???. We came to know when the bill comes it comes with the details and we were sure it will list the Sexteria purchase, and the “Ammyi” will call us and abuse us regarding this. And when ever we hear this call “Offshore Guysssss”, we dreamed about loosing our dignity in the public. Fortunately she never called us to ask this, but man we couldn’t forget the team members face when he hears the call “Offshore Guysss”

Who is this “Ji”

Herez the latest update to the “Velli.com”, in office employees call others with a “Ji” added to their names XXbinji, XXilji etc. One of the senior developer was executing a code and checking his work, but unfortunately the code didn’t work he said “pandaram Moonji”, the very same moment the our lady member asked “ Who is that person “ (Athu Aaraa ?). Fortunately the developer didn’t faint

Anybody know what this SMS means ?.

Herez the latest update from the new lady member in the team. She is very famous for the “Best Vellis” in the office. One of her team members marriage is fixed and she sent am SMS to another team member “Mr. X’s marriage fixed, most of the defects in the application is fixed”, do you have any idea what she mean, Is that mean the bugs in the application are because his marriage was not fixed and after fixing his marriage all the bugs were fixed or he wrote code with out any bugs ?. If so the management should beware, recruit developers only those who married or their marriage fixed to avoid bugs in the application.

Beware When You Use Certain Words

The hot update from US from our US correspondent .The guys in onshore went out on a holiday and they visited and Army Base near New Jersey (One of the members is an Ex Army man). While they are in the camp one of the Team member used his well known phrase “ Nammukku Blast Cheythu Kalayam “, My be because of the American influence he said it in englisj “ Ok we will blast today”, his bad luck, some army men overheard the conversation and with in minutes he taken into custody, they striped him searched for the weapons and explosives and they detained him for a day, thank god they allow him to wear his underwear. Finally they convinced this was just one of his usual saying and they released him. So guys be careful when you comment.